Tuesday, January 1, 2008

The List

Being that today is the start of the new year, I should be making resolutions. However, I'm not much of a resolution kind of girl; I'm a planner, for sure, but I'm big on having some long-term life goals, and then a series of short, intermediate steps to get there. Why tie yourself down to the Julian calendar? I'm Jewish anyway . . . my "new year" started a few months ago.

So what will I do today, then, to start off 2008? Today, I update my "List". You may call it "The List", the "Laminated List", the "Get Out of Jail Free List" (thanks, Kat) . . . whatever name it goes by, its still the same. You know, those 1, 5, 10 . . . whatever the number is . . . people for whom no permission is necessary should they proposition you with extramarital sex. And I know I just updated it in November. But its 2008. New year.

You talk to newly married couples and both will feign indignance - what kind of marriage could you have that you would ever permit your spouse to be unfaithful? You talk to old married couples and they can rattle off their own list, rattle off their spouse's list, and probably discuss the last 5 years worth of comers and goers to their respective lists.

I think we had one or two of those blissful years of ignorance. Then, we both became practical people. So we had a serious discussion and set the ground rules. (A) Only famous ** people - no one from the office or anything too close and personal. (B) Only 5 people on the list at a time. I don't know, does 10 make you a slut, but 5 is socially acceptable infidelity? It really just seemed like a good number, so we went with it. (C) Any updates to the list must be communicated timely (i.e., before said infidelity takes place). There are no retroactive adjustments to the list ex post facto.

So to start 2008, I propose to update my list for all to see.
  1. Hugh Jackman
  2. Antonio Banderas
  3. Jason Statham
  4. Johnny Depp
  5. Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Mel B's partner on "Dancing With The Stars")

On reserve, just in case I need to update quickly, are (in no particular order)

  • Murilo Benicio ("Woman on Top")
  • Oded Fehr
  • Clive Owen
  • John Cusack *
  • Edward Norton *
(If you are not on this list, meet said criteria **, and wish to be on it, you are welcome to leave me a comment and I will consider amending said list at some point in the future so as not to violate the "ex post facto" rule.)

Less than 4 months 'til the hubby is home . . . and his workout schedule has left him pretty buff, based on his last picture. Bring on the propositions, boys . . . I might be busy in April!

Until then, your shoes are welcome under my bed.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

* Editor's addition - how could I have forgotten

** Editor's clarifcation: Thank you, Betty, for your insight. Although we have not scripted out the exact definition of "famous", I believe, for purposes of this list, that "famous" would NOT included any bloggers, internet degenerates, or anyone else my husband would consider "close and personal". Even A-listers. Unless you become President or a famous movie star or buy a professional sports team or something else that qualifies you.


katitude said...

dear M, can you please get out of my head *grin.

Our lists are pretty much identical....Oded Fehr...man, he's a nice package of yummy, isn't he?

DrChako said...

It's a good list. I approve. Of course, I'd even give you a pass for someone not on the list, like Brad Pitt - especially if I can entertain his wife for a while.

-The Husband

The Wife said...

You know, Brad Pitt rarely makes this list . . . if ever . . . call me strange.

Betty said...

I think "The List" should be read as part of the wedding vows!

Awesome, but one question; What constitutes "famous"? Just thinking it is worth defining because some of these internet degenerates fancy themselves famous!

Betty said...

Touch John Cusack and I might have to take you out. I don't care if you are taller, I wear 4" heels!

He is my husband and just as soon as I get through to his publicist we are totally getting married.

SirFWALGMan said...

Crap you mean I have to become president now? And then resign in shame (or pride!!!!) for having an affair with The Wife.. I better get busy.

Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

Well since A-Listers can't be on the list I withdraw my name...humbly of course.

Anonymous said...

wow!! It's WAFFLES! You know, that man is a celeb of the biggest proportions! Everyone knows him!

BamBam said...

With all due respect....

Due to our familiarity and the love of our spouses, I will have to ask that my name be withdrawn from "The List" ASAP.

Oh... WAIT! How the H...

Damn... I knew I should never have let you see me first!

That "biggest heart" thing had me in a golden position and I ruined it by sending the actual me to Vegas!


lol !

BamBam said...

I have kept trying to put together a list of my own since I saw your first one.

Problem is, I'm with son #1...... They're all Pornstars !!!

Bad news -> I clearly have issues.
Good news -> Son #1 might not turn out too bad !

lol ! ;o)

I couldn't even put mine together in "no particular order."

ala' my friend "Waffles" I just got mad when I was told I couldn't have them all at the same time !

Still working on it though.
It's tough work, but you know I'm no quitter. I'll diligently do my homework and come up with a top 5 no matter what!

I wouldn't want to let you down.
That's just how I roll.


katitude said...

OMG how could I have forgotten John Cusack?????

I met him once, but alas not quite drunk enough to grab his ass...an eternal regret *grin

Anonymous said...

1) Jessica Alba
2) Ashley Judd
3) Jessica Alba
4) Ashley Judd
5) Jessica Alba

The Sister said...

Harrison Ford
Blair Underwood
John Travolta (shut up)
Tye Diggs
Steve Martin (shut up)
Darth Vader (with Darth helmet)
Since I have Darth on the list, I figured I could go with six. :)