I don't feel bad about #1. I think #1 and I knew we weren't made for each other. We flirted with the idea of a relationship . . . experimented. But in the end, he needed more from me than I could give, and what he had to give in return, I could get from somewhere else.
#2 and I had the most honest relationship of all. He was cute, in that frat-boy kind of way. Little too much gel in the hair, icy blue eyes, nice teeth. He was younger, didn't need a commitment. We never pretended it was about anything but what it was. Friends with benefits. I told him how it would be from day one; he always gave it to me straight, gave me the bottom line, without any promises he didn't intend to keep. I'm going to miss him, but it will be easier to let him know. I actually think he'll be disappointed, but only until the next hottie shows up, interested. Who knows - I'll keep him in my back pocket. He's the kind of guy you can go back to the next time you're looking for a little somethin' somethin'.
#3 was different. Traditional. Long, involved courtship rituals. A gentleman. Called me three times a day. Just wanted to know how I was. Made sure I was taken care of. Was even sweet with my two boys. The kind of guy most women could really fall for. He was older, sure. Not as young and fresh as #2. But stable, mature, well-established. Some might say I had it pretty good, as those things go. But it started to feel a little old-school. I started to feel like I wasn't getting credit for being independent, for having a brain. He was starting to treat me like a "little woman", but masking it with smooth words, like he understood me. Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize my own behavior.
When the phone rang yesterday morning, it wasn't #3, like I was expecting. It was HIM - #4. #4 was articulate, his voice smooth, the accent like music. He was interested in a relationship too, it seemed. He promised me everything #3 was giving me, and more. It was the more I was interested in.
Something told me I owed #3 more from our relationship. I almost called him. But #4 was too tempting. Like a bitch in heat, I jumped in the car and went to him, without even thinking. He didn't keep me waiting. I smiled at him; dark eyes, dark skin, and that killer accent. I don't know what it is with me and foreign men. We slipped out together, without anyone really noticing. He wasn't all talk; he showed me everything #3 had, and more. I went home satisfied, but still wanting a little more. When he called me this morning, I decided to test him. I asked for even more, thinking he couldn't come through for me . . . he was just going to be another #3.
I was wrong. He met my demands. And then asked me to commit. To him. To cross the line.
My heart was pounding. I said yes.
#3 doesn't know, yet. I don't have the heart to tell him I went looking somewhere else . . .
The product of my illicit union? It will be here in two days . . .
Respectfully (and unfaithfully) submitted,