The Sign on my Back

So I was trying to relax by registering for a few 45 player NLHE MTTs.

Here are my first three results:

1. Don't play many hands except blinds. Lots of loose players. Get AA in early position. Raise to 5x blinds (which are still low). Get re-raised. Two callers. I go all in (ridiculous over bet). Re-raiser calls. Has me out-chipped. Chip leader calls. Has re-raiser covered. Flop is A-K-10 (yayy trips!). Re-raiser goes all in. Chip leader calls. Re-raiser turns over Q8. Chip leader turns over J5. No one suited. Turn? Blank. River? Q. Chip leader takes the pot. Out in 25th.
2. Don't play many hands except blinds. Lots of loose players. (see a pattern?) Get JJ. Raise. 3 callers. Flop comes AJ9, two diamonds. Runner-runner flush to the guy with no other draw (and not even nut flush - K2). Out in 20 something-th.
3. No good cards. Loose aggressive guy raises a ridiculous amount. I know he's full of s**t. I have A3 hearts. I hate A-rag. But I know he's full of s**t. And I just had two sets busted. On stupid draws. I call. Sure enough, I'm ahead against his J-7 off. Until the 7 hits. No other cards for me. Out in 16th.

Don't think I played bad. Just ran bad. Or maybe I missed the sign taped to my back that says "Kick me."

Maybe its telling me I need a new hobby tonight.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

I Missed You

Me and my best girl are back together . . . .

If you see something fast and red in California that just hums gently, you'll know the Wife was there.

Vroom! Vroom!

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Wild Palms

I'm staying at this boutique hotel in the Bay Area. Its old, and some of the furniture and such is showing its age. But she's a quaint old beauty, and they keep her clean and neat. She has that air of old Hollywood, 1950's California chic, and much like an aging Hollywood starlet, under some soft lights, she still looks alluring.

I decided to take some shots with the night setting . . .

Reflections in the fountain pool

Across the pool from inside the cabana

Poolside, under one of the cabanas

The pool

A moonlit night by the pool

A view of the pool from one of the mosaic patio tables

The view from the patio

The moon reflects in this part of the fountain

More reflections from the pool area

The fountain next to the pool, with reflections

The open air lobby

Another view

The hall to the open air lobby, flanked by old benches and palms

One of the murals painted at the end of each hall

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Good Days . . .

Include things like . . .

• Lazy breakfast
• Talking to your family
• Watching a little TV
• Lunch and shopping with one of your BFs
• Laying out by the pool
• What Not To Wear Marathon
• Taking yourself on a date to the movies
• Watching "The Hangover"
• Sitting in the hot tub
• Taking night pictures of the quaint hotel I'm staying at
• Sitting in bed in my skivvies watching Hugh Jackman in "Swordfish"
• Playing a little online play money tourney poker

Only thing that would make this better?

• If the moron to my left had not called the all in ahead of me (pocket sixes) after I called the all in (holding pocket Js) with his QJ offsuit to go runner runner to get his boat and knock me out
• If my boys were here and I could kiss them all goodnight

Tomorrow could be good too!

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Observations

After that big emotional unload, I gotta pull back into something smaller, shorter, more digestible. Less emotionally involving. Particularly given the trauma I have endured today, which involved:

• Finding out somehow in my new employee processing that my health care elections got processed before I'd completed all my selections. Which may prevent my kids and husband from having dental coverage, and other benefits until next enrollment period. What are the chances that I can get HR to fix that tomorrow?
• Working so late that they closed all entrances but one in my ENORMOUS campus at work, which can only be accessed by driving through a complex labyrinth and answering several riddles posed by a giant Sphinx with an Intel logo on it. Took my 30 minutes to find it.
• 3o minute delay meant any restaurant I wanted to eat at was already closed. Ate at Wendys. Again.

So rather than bitch and moan (any more than I have) too much more and risk having to sent formal invitations to the pity party, I'll just share some random observations from the last couple days:

• In line at Costco the other day when a woman in line just jumped head first down some guys throat for line cutting (and she was big . . . I'm guessing it had to hurt). I don't think he cut on purpose - just wasn't paying attention. Would it have hurt her to simply say "excuse me sir, I was in line next?"
• At the airport, the guy in my row in the middle seat took too long to get himself seated. Then proceeded to play with his iPhone until we were airborne. I don't believe it will crash the plane, but don't tick the flight attendants off on my watch. Please.
• At the luggage carousel, I got a spot very close to where the luggage comes out. But I stood back about 4 feet, figuring it gave people room to step in and step up if their luggage came off. I did NOT specifically reserve the empty space for the rude woman who came and filled the space up, preventing anyone from jumping in to get their stuff. Oh, I'm sorry ma'am . . . did I accidentally pull my GIANT suitcase off and drop it on your toe? Funny how that happens in close quarters . . .
• On the other side, I rode the AirTram to the rental car counter and along the way, some nice man from Texas chatted with me. I'm sure he was trying to flirt, but it was nice to have a friendly person to talk with.
• I love my company some days. Rental car process took no more than 3 minutes. And the car was in the "Preferred" section.
• Misread my car contract. Thought they assigned me a bright yellow Eclipse. Was puzzled for about 5 seconds.
• This morning, a man held the door in the breakfast room open for a woman and her daughter, and continued to hold it open for me. I said "Thank you." He said "well at least you said something . . . " The woman ahead of me didn't acknowledge him at all. How hard is it to say "thanks?"
• Got a compliment from one of my direct reports - having a positive impact in less than a month feels good.
• Played a little on line poker. What are the odds, when its heads up, and you have a chip lead, but its really late, and the other guy says "wanna go all in all the time to just get it over and go to bed" and you are ahead pre-flop EVERY TIME, that you end up second?
• Why do they ship a privacy screen for a lap top (say 15 x 10 inches, flat) in a giant cardboard box with 6 cubic feet of air and tons of packing material?
• I now have a docking station for my lap top in the office. With a BAM. Big-ass monitor. Did I mention "big?"

That's all for now.

But I'm in California, I'm sure I'll have more puzzling observations soon.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

The (Wo)man in the Mirror

There are many days I don't like what I see in the mirror. For various reasons. Sometimes, it's something as simple and as shallow as not liking the extra crease at the corner of my eyes. Sometimes it's not liking to see the harsh set of my mouth after I've just chewed out one of the boys. Sometimes it was the mental exhaustion evident on my face after another long day in my hamster wheel, when I had a difficult time measuring progress toward the next rung on the ladder.

Then someone turns on the lights and holds up the big mirror. Films it in HD, where you can see every bump, every blemish, every defect. Broadcasts on prime time. Fortunately, that someone also loves you enough to drop the curtain quickly, before everyone else sees all the details. Was kind enough to keep the curtains closed while it was at its ugliest.

He's given you a laundry list of things that test a relationship. Have tested our relationship. Part of me is embarrassed. You all weren't supposed to know. That we have flaws. That I have flaws.

Whether through luck, or stupidity, or through the natural iterations of a relationship that had its roots in something good, we're back on a path toward closing the gaps. Starting with small things, like remembering to say "I love you", rather than assuming they know. Or appreciating the fact that your husband hasn't asked for a Ferrari in 3 months. Or feeling special because after getting yourself all prettied up for a black tie affair, your honey refers to you as "F---ing Hawt!" at least eight times before the night is over.

Maybe marriage is like a well-built house. The earth shifts, and the foundation cracks, because it was made by humans. It is naturally imperfect. But when it finally settles, even though the cracks don't go away, the house still stands.

Not that I've fooled myself into thinking the earth can't or won't shift again. Hell, I'm moving us directly over a fault line. But at least tonight I feel like even thought we're 800+ miles apart, we've settled, again.

Thank you, my friends, who have believed in us all the time.

Thank you, my husband, for fixing what you could, and for having patience with me while I figured, am figuring, or have yet to figure out what I need to fix.

Or maybe it just comes down to the fact that after 14 years of marriage, and over 17 years together, no one else could tolerate either of our quirks.

Curtain closed. Nothing more to see here.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

To The Dads

While we cleaned up the kitchen after the candlelight brunch we set up for Dr Chako, Son#1 says "I think your first dad was pretty lame." I don't talk much about my natural father with him, or anyone else for that matter. He was gone before I was born, and I was only 1 1/2 when my mom married my stepfather. He's always been "Dad".

I asked my son why, and he replied "Because he left when grandma was pregnant with you." I told him that I hoped he would never be so irresponsible as to walk out on his pregnant wife one day, but I tried to put it in perspective. "My life would be totally different if he hadn't done that, though . . . and I think my life is pretty good right now, so I wouldn't want to change anything." He pondered that while he finished his dishes, and 10 minutes later, it was probably gone like the soapsuds down the drain.

My kids are fortunate. Somehow, I had the foresight to marry a man with enough of the good qualities of my own "dad" - good work ethic, a belief that he should provide for his family, provide discipline for his children, provide a good example of choices and behaviors, with a little bit of human frailty. I was also smart enough to marry a man who didn't carry some of the faults and foibles of my own dad, who seems like a relic from the past, at times. My husband treats me as a partner, and an equal, and supports my roles in life with as much energy as his own. My husband takes raising his sons as a personal responsibility, and is involved in their education, their health, their recreation, and their emotional crises. This is the example my children will have, and hopefully hold themselves to as grown men. Of course, they'll still probably bug their wives too much about new cars, play too much poker, defer changing diapers to the nearest female, and shy away from general housework as often as they can. I don't know that we'll ever break men of those habits.

So on father's day, I am thankful that my kids have a wonderful dad. And I'm also grateful that for as old-fashioned and behind-the-times as my own father is, that I have always known the love and care of a "dad" - one who was only bound to me by love and choice, not just biology. Because for all of his gruffness, I never doubted, and still never doubt, that in his own, old-fashioned way, regardless of the fact that I don't carry a single strand of his DNA, he loves me.

So this is my thank you to the fathers I know and love:

• My old-school Wisconsin "grumpy old man" that I call "Dad"
• My new-school husband, who's the best dad I can imagine for my two beautiful boys
• My departed father-in-law, who always treated me like his own daughter
• The sweetest Canadian father I know, who called last night just to tell my I was beautiful - I could just bite him, he's so sweet
• One of the most intellectually-sexy fathers I know (ok, he's cute too), who just expanded his role as dad
• One of the most affable fathers I know, even if his choice in football teams leaves a little to be desired
• One my favorite internet crushes (he's cute, he writes well, he has good taste in faux hair metal bands, and he's got like 5% body fat . . . could a girl ask for more?), who gets a double dose of fatherhood everyday and still manages to have a smile
• One of my biggest supporters when my hubby was in Iraq, who manages to find time to care about everyone, including his own brood, even when they are far from him
• One of my new poker-playing favorite fathers . . . thanks to Vegas and blogging
• One of my favorite curmudgeonly fathers, who's trying to make some improvements in his life

To all of you other fathers out there, in the blogsphere, and elsewhere . . . thank you for loving your children, and loving your families. In the end, its the best we can do.

Happy Father's Day!

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife