I don't have one. Not really. But I'm getting close.
My husband has always teased me about two things. One, that I never spend money frivolously. I am about as cheap and conservative with my money as can be. OK, the new car was a little over the top. But that was his suggestion. I am just living his dream.
The second thing he teases me about is having a lot of shoes. I keep reminding him that I tend to buy disposable shoes - never over $20, throw them out 18 months later when they aren't in style anymore. His running shoes cost 4x that and he replaces more quickly than me. So for fashion's sake, I think I can have 4x as many shoes and we're even. But my shoes are always pretty practical - neutrals, good for work . . . go with anything . . . but not really cutting edge. Closest I have is my attraction to black leather boots. Ankle boots, knee-high boots . . . doesn't matter. Love black leather boots.
A few weeks ago, a co-worker of mine came in with a pair of really cute shoes. I mean REALLY cute. I tried them on. ADORABLE. Like "I-don't-think-my-feet-have-ever-looked-cuter-ADORABLE". She admitted they were her splurge. Didn't even have anything to wear them with. She had to go buy a necklace and wear them with black. I had shoe envy.
I tried to make it better. Went shopping. Bought two cute pair of shoes. But both still practical. Both still functional for work. Both still under the $20 mark on clearance.
Yesterday, I walked into the big new DSW store in our hometown. Shoes as far as the eye can see. I started trying on a few. First the cute linen peep toes with the brown trim. Cute, in a Jackie Kennedy kind of way. Then the silver satin sling backs . . . if only it were the holidays. Then, way at the back of the store. I. Saw. Them. (Sorry, I am totally plagiarizing this writing style from Betty . . . it just looks so good when you are trying to convey a heart-stopping moment.)
These darling little pumps. Guess by Marciano. Peep-toe. With a cut-out on the inside of the foot. Khaki background fabric, with a red Guess logo all over it. Red leather trim. My foot started twitching. I slipped it on. Oh. My.
My size 9 foot (which, while totally appropriate for my 5'8" frame, can sometimes look unwieldy in shoes) looked petite, classy, and, dare I say it . . . fetching. The heels were high - but my calf? Oh. My. Even my 10 year old son said "You look like a model on a runway when you walk in those, Mom."
Then the wench working there told me the bad news. No size 9. "You can put inserts in the 9 1/2's" she suggeted. Like I'm going to pay that much and put extra stuff in to make them fit. If you have ever worn heels, you know this is a recipe for disaster.
But now I was addicted. "Call the other store," I commanded. No dice. "I can call Factoria?" she suggested, but it was already 8:30 - I could never make it there in time. I went home disappointed.
And like a junkie, looking for their next fix, I went searching. Online. Except DSW doesn't have their online store up yet. Couldn't find them on Guess. Couldn't find them in other online shoe stores. Couldn't find them on EBAY! (Yes, I stooped to searching on EBay.)
This morning I called Factoria - begged them to find me a pair. Made a little prayer to the shoe gods. "Please let it be there. If it is not there, then this is your sign that it was not meant to be."
I waited breathlessly. Patiently. Then impatiently. Then Tanya came back on the phone with the verdict.
This shoe thing is starting to feel like a slippery slope.
But tonight, I will sell my soul to the shoe devil. He'll probably keep it for eternity.