Seattle Does Poker

It was a dark and stormy night. Scratch that. It was just moist.

We gathered in the fine mist of a February evening in Federal Way. Six men, one woman, and a dog. Well, the dog was just there, really. And didn't play so much poker.

As promised, after a drink or two and some fine nosh, courtesy of Cayne and Joshua via Costco, the cards were in the air.

I quickly learned that these guys play cards. Which means several things: A) You must play cards too. B) You will lay down the best hand sometimes, when you shouldn't. C) Sometimes they call you down when you have the nuts, just because they don't like getting played, like they probably did the previous hand to you. D) Cleavage doesn't improve your chances. (I tried anyway.)

Joshua was a little conflicted about playing with us - he loves poker and all, but apparently, there was some "vagina on the line", as someone put it. We won out in the end, but not without several frantic text messanging spurts at the table. And not without the follow-on jokes related to betting vagina. Although technically, I think I was actually the only one who had any to bet, so it was a moot point. At least I think so. We didn't actually physically survey the group.

Joshua did win the Poker Acadmy Award for "Best Actor In A Shitty Display of Poker Grandstanding" (yes, DrChako, he's even worse than you) when he pulled the old "Check. Oh, I'm sorry, Seattle John, I checked out of turn," line when he hit his A-6 on the flop for two pair and got Seattle John to bet into the pot with his A-Q, and then check-raised him. Another 6 came on the turn and gave him a boat, that he didn't really need, which took Seattle John out of the action that round.

Cayne (who's voice bears a remarkable resemblance to Mr. Mackey from South Park ('m kay?)) is a gracious and fun-loving host, who sometimes likes to gamble. I was never really lucky enough to catch him with his pants down, although Joshua did heads up in the first tourney. Here is Joshua's A-8 cracking Cayne's Big-Slick for the win in the first tourney.

Rumor has it than in addition to the misteltoe hanging over his patio door, Cayne's got it covering the ceiling in his bedroom. Somehow, Joshua seems to be the only person who knows this. But who am I to judge? Gotta love him though - he's a fellow Federal Way-er, like me. It was nice to see our first tourney come down to the three Federal Way residents (before Joshua busted bubble-girl here out with some lucky-ass hand). I would gladly join him in another home game sometime. And as fun as he is, we won't be matching him up with the au pair anytime soon - she runs at a different speed and clearly the mistletoe might be a bit much for her.

Seattle John plays well. Not much else to say. Made good moves with position or good hands - didn't catch them all when he needed to. But my husband likes playing with him, so it was nice to meet him. I am not allowed to post his pictures -terrible birth defect and all. So you might get some extraneous back of the head shots or crotch shots. If you can identify him by his crotch, I'll be impressed.

Andre was a good guy. Well, until he made me a bubble girl for the second time. Because even though I went well over the top with my pocket pair (7's) . . . he must have had a "feeling" about that A-9 OS that ended up paying him well on the turn. Sad thing is, he took all my chips and gave them away to Matt. For crying out loud, man, at least put them to good use. He did bring a fine table - constructed by himself. With this luxurious black felt . . . that ended up under my fingernails all night.

MeanHappyGuy was a nice addition to the evening - braved the Seattle mist on his bike. To play poker in Federal Way. We're good - don't know if we're worth that wet ride. I don't think I ever went up against him for any pot, but he hung with us until the end, when we played our $5 mixed cash game. We took $4.35 off the poor guy. I'm trying to decide if he looks mean, or happy in this picture.
Matt played to my right the whole night. Solid guy - started to hate his 3x raises in front of me, especially when I had the blind. However, I caught him a couple times with monster hands and went over top of him. To his credit (and my chagrin), he folded down everytime. I could have used a few more chips. I say I should be less predictable, but when I went over the top of Andre with my pocket 7s (not predictable for Mrs Chako), he chose not to believe I had the aces, kings, or queens, like I normally showed. So unpredicatability is overrated. Either way, Matt and Andre duked it out for the second tourney after I bubbled, and Matt walked away . . . the WINNA! And yes, those really are his winning cards. A pair of threes on a board with 4 to the spade flush. The shit that will win tournaments these days . . .

Some additional pictures from the festivities.

Federal Way - REPRESENT! (Nice hats, too, huh?)

Matt and Andre - the tourney #2 money winners.

Joshua and Chris (MHG)

Me and Cayne (Don't let that innocent smile fool you. I meant his)

(The table - with Seattle John's hat)

All in all, as I crawled into bed after 1:30 a.m., a fun night. Let me know when we're doing it again, folks.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife