Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Dear John . . .

Or whatever your name is.

My apologies that, at this juncture, I am unable to accept your offer of "friendship" on Orkut. While some might find the idea of an almost 40-year old mother of two having a "friendship" with an 18-year old single male appealing, I must defer for the following reasons.
  • You have four names. Not even hyphenated. I only have three, and I'm married. I have a policy against being friends with people with too many names that they did not acquire through marriage or other socially acceptable forms of acquiring names and titles.
  • You are 18. You still think the world revolves around you. It does not. It revolves around me.
  • You live with your parents. I don't find that as appealing as you do.
  • I have two sons. If I want to be reminded of how shallow, self-centered, and immature 18 year olds can be, I just need to wait seven more years.
  • You aren't old enough to drive the rental car on vacation without paying three times the price I pay.
  • You aren't old enough to drink.
  • All of your other "friends" leave messages filled with emoticons and text speak. I actually prefer to use the full English language most days.
  • You aren't that cute. Not that looks are all that matter . . . just saying.
  • Your profile contains nothing intellectually stimulating.
  • I need intellectual stimulation.
  • I'm old enough to be your mother.

Please accept my apologies. No hard feelings. Good luck in your search for other "friends."


The Wife (Mrs. Chako)

PS: Sorry for the extensive letter . . . I just realized I can click "yes" or "no" in response to your offer for friendship. The internet makes blowing people off so much easier . . .


BamBam said...

"You still think the world revolves around you. It does not. It revolves around me."

Believe it or not, I actually used that one once! Which of course was followed by the classic deer in the headlights look!

It ain't easy being the center of the Universe is it?


Drizztdj said...

All the cool kids use Facebook.

And the world revolves around my two year old, she will let you know this.

The Sister of DrChako and Mrs. Chako said...

Sorry all, the world revolves around me. I am still deep in like with my new man and it's all about me me me me me...and my man. I do love your "Dear John" letter though. You're so clever and confident. You can kick people's asses by merely walking past them on the street.