Lessons in Grief

A week has passed since we learned the news of the passing of my father-in-law. We have been a family relatively unscathed by death in the sixteen years we have been a couple. My mother-in-law passed away ten years ago; we lost my husband's uncle just a few months ago. This death hit us the hardest of all.


What did I learn, in this time of grief?

1. The pain of hearing the news yourself is exceeded only by the pain of having to deliver the message to his only son, with an ocean between you and a hug.


2. I suck at delivering bad messages. Unless you like your bad news completely stripped of all sugar coating, and with no real lead-in.


3. That children are sometimes better at hearing, grieving, and then moving on. Our littlest guy doesn't completely understand, but our oldest one does. He had an appropriate amount of tears, then an appropriate amount of fond memories, and then got on with the business of life. I wish I could have grieved as succinctly as he has done.
   
4. That good friends are the ones who aren't afraid to talk to you when you're sobbing uncontrollably and think to check in with you later, whether with an e-mail, text, or a call. You know who you are.


5. That a life well-lived is a life well-remembered at death. My father-in-law touched many; his memorial service was FILLED with friends and family.


6. That I work with awesome people. Who sent me cards and flowers and redistributed my work load so that I didn't have to worry about anything.
   
7. That I married into a good family, who loves me like their own and supports each other through good and bad.


8. That Jews think too much food is the answer to ANYTHING.


9. That after all the tears are done, its time to gather your friends and family, and raise your glasses in honor of the memories.

So here is how we do it . . .

Gather a few of your favorite relatives who also make good friends . . .

Make sure you bring your favorite honey . . .

Add in a cute and pleasant waitress that lets MrsChako show off her order-taking skills . . .

Make sure MrsChako has a few drinks so that she's willing to show off the new navel-piercing to the group . . .

And don't forget to bounce the Sister's rental car a few times . . . great way to wrap up an evening.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife