Tuesday, July 28, 2009

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Trust me, I just tried.

We're in the middle of an ridiculous heat wave in Seattle. My last week here and I get unbearable heat that none of us are prepared for. 90% of the homes don't have air conditioning (including the bazillion square feet of "oven" we currently own). There is not even a breeze blowing. The ocean air has failed us.

The odd thing about Seattle is that we are unprepared for the abnormal. If you need an umbrella, you can find one anywhere. If you want to grab a fleece in the middle of July, someone sells one. If you need a coffee, and don't like the Starbucks you are standing in, go walk across the street to the next Starbucks for your midday non-fat soy milk double mocha frappuccino with a nonfat shot of hazelnut flavoring.

But try to find a snow shovel when the first inch falls. Or de-icer. Trust me, I've tried. The two bags per store they stock for a normal winter were sold to the old Asian man who cold-cocked a school teacher as she reached for the stuff on the shelf. I was lucky enough in one odd winter snow to find the last box of ice cream salt which works in a pinch.

Last night, one of the three fans we possess died. Tonight, my little guy couldn't sleep, so I gamely went out in search of a fan. As I suspected, none existed. Well, there was a clip on car fan that worked on a car adaptor, but I figured if I was going to sit in the car to get cool, I'd just run the AC.

I went home empty-handed. Frustrated. It's not like I was a poor planner - I just happen to have a fan who had to be taken away to the farm. You know, where they send old dogs and ponies to enjoy their last days.

It may sound trivial, but I felt like I was living in a third world country where you couldn't find bread. This is America, darn it! Home of crass consumerism and overindulgence! I could get a Hannah Montana backpack, a Wii Fit, 57 kinds of shampoo and a pair of Juicy sweatpants at 10:30 pm tonight, but not a darn oscillating fan? Why have I supported capitalism all these years?

I'm sure my mood will improve when the heat passes. Although it looks like I may need to board a plane to the Bay Area to escape it this time. Who knew you'd have to go south to cool down.

If I melt, will someone drizzle my remains in my Choos, and tuck the box neatly in the freezer?

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife


PrinceofHouston said...

I'm willing to ship fans if you send me an address...I empathize with not having A/C and it gets hot. 3 1/2 weeks without electricity last year will humble you fast.
The Doc has me on Facebook, just look for the DreadPirateMitchell

Katitude said...

I remember being in Vancouver during a heat wave. Ugh.


BamBam said...

It's NOT the heat, it's the humidity.

OMG! I feel like I've waited my entire life to say that to someone else!

Oh wait.
I have!

There was no real satisfaction in it either. crap!

Stay cool!

BWoP said...

Come to Vegas! It may be desert, but everything inside is about 65 degrees (or colder).

Sean D said...

Welcome to the SEND THE DOC and THE WIFE a Fanathon.

We need your gently used fans to be shipped to them so they don't melt away.

Wawfuls, for all the times that you leer at The Wife, you should be good for a fan or two.

Get us details, and I'll ship a fan too!