Saturday, July 25, 2009

Kiss My Butt . . .

I took the kids to the pool tonight. No road trip is complete without a hotel that has a pool and time for your kids to play in it. For those of you who are not parents, have children not old enough to swim, or somehow haven't yet gotten stuck traveling with your niece/nephew/significant other's kid . . . trust me, a pool is a lifesaver.

I've become immune to the "no running" signs, although I spend a significant amount of time saying to my boys "no running!" I know there is a safety issue with slippage and wet surfaces, but I always assume its mostly to keep from annoying other patrons.

Tonight, the boys were playing and I was taking pictures in my black polka dot bikini and sarong. I walked around the pool to grab some towels and headed back to our designated table.

There is a moment, in mid-fall, when you realize there is no compensating for gravity. My feet were out from underneath me before I knew what was happening. Somewhere in a millisecond that felt like forever, I realized that the wet pool tiles and I were going to meet, and not in a nice way. In no time at all, I was a heap of skin and black swim attired, splayed out in a pose that was probably not my most provocative or flattering.

Somehow, I managed to keep from damaging the camera, although my ego and my ass took the brunt. I had that moment where I wasn't sure I could walk, but once I caught my breath, I realized I wasn't paralyzed, just humiliated, annoyed, and in for some serious aches.

I'm heading to bed, dosed with some prophylactic Ibuprofen and hoping for the best. Right, now, the only evidence of the incident is a red line on my upper left bum cheek. Tomorrow, it could get ugly.

When my kids got hurt, they typically ran to me and said "kiss my owie . . . " It always made everything all better.

Anyone up for the task?

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife


DrChako said...

Surprised Waffles hasn't commented yet...

-The Husband

KenP said...

He'll get his ass kicked.

The guys here at the home are lining up and won't take no for an answer.

Betty Underground said...

I slipped a disc that way! Well, it was stairs, not a pool and I was naked, not wearing a cute polka-dot sarong, and it was my boyfriend trying to dress me to take me to the hospital that was really humilating.

Was that a TMI?

Sean D said...

I hope you feel better.

Get well soon.

(Looking left and right)

No soft porn Waffles comment.

Something is definitely wrong.


BamBam said...


ALWAYS up for THE task here.


Drizztdj said...

Kissing the ass of a Packer fan seem sacrilege to my Purple...

... but I'm willing to pay the price :)

Hope you feel better!

BWoP said...


(Do we need to send out an APB for Waffles?)

Shrike said...

How did I miss this post?!


SirFWALGMan said...

Sorry been nursing my gouty toe. I guess I can have sloppy sixths on the ass kiss? Hope your butt feels better.


Ascii Art for Kiss Ass.