Friday, January 2, 2009

Nine Words Women Use . . .

I have a crazy girlfriend who loves to send me these things, but this one rings probably truer than I'd like it to, so I thought I'd share. Women, if you haven't used at least 7 of the 9, you're not really a woman (or not old enough to be reading this).

Men, if you have been in a long relationship and haven't heard at least 7 of the 9 . . . watch out . . . they are coming.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying D --- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Good luck communicating . . .

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife


Katitude said...


a former roomate and I used to have contests to see who could say FINE in different ways that meant the opposite (fiiiiine, fiiyinne, fine). We made the mistake of a challenge when our bfs were over. Just about made their heads explode, poor dears.

23skidoo said...

A real problem is hearing several of those over the course of one day and not being able to share the hilarity of it with said woman....doh!

Instant Tragedy said...

But the deadliess phrase of all...

"I don't care"

Which really means that she does care and that you shoulc check all the cutlery and make sure that any and all firearms are unloaded.