Ummm . . . Fail. Yes. Fail.

Today, our new au pair had to take her driver's test. She has an international license, but has to get a Washington license. She's really a good driver, and I watched her parallel park the minivan . . . she did awesome. So naturally, she passed. Actually scored a 92. Not like those extra 12 points make a difference, or anything . . .

While we were at the licensing office, other test candidates showed up.

The rules for the test are simple:

• Show up a little early.
• Back your car into one of the 6 test spots.
• Wait for the examiner to come bark a few orders at you and make sure you're not driving a complete piece of crap.
• Drive off with the examiner.

Our au pair backed in and waited nervously. Not as nervously as the 17 year old kid three spots over, waiting with his mom. He actually went first.

While we waited, another woman showed up. Driving a small SUV. Tried to back into the spot. Well, it wasn't actually apparent that she was attempting to get anywhere close to the test spots until I saw the back end of her vehicle coming dangerously close to the van.

I'm not talking a little crooked. I'm talking like "take up two spots - at a 45 degree angle to straight" kind of bad parking. She either had no concept of spatial relations, did not understand the mechanics/physic/geometry involved in aligning the car in a spot, or had some other degenerative muscular disorder which prevented her from having any control over her hands.

I watched her. For 15 minutes. Trying to back into a spot. After about 27 tries, 15 minutes later, she finally managed to get her vehicle in a spot. That was one over from the test spots. Not actually IN the test spot. And still slightly crooked. All under the watchful eye of the examiner.

I started to wonder if there actually was such a thing as the equivalent of a citizen's arrest in the driver testing arena. 'Cause if there were, this is how the conversation would have gone:

Mrs. Chako: "Ma'am? Can I see your testing slip?"

Incompetent: "Yes, just a moment. I think it fell off the dash in my flurry of parking activity."

Mrs. Chako: "Yeah. I noticed. Ok, Fail."

Incompetent: "But I haven't started driving yet."

Mrs. Chako: "Exactly. That would still be . . . Fail."

Incompetent: "I'd like a second opinion."

Mrs. Chako: "Ok . . . . um . . . fail."

Incompetent: "Fail?"

Mrs. Chako: "Yes. Fail. Did I not say 'fail'?"

Incompetent: "But . . . "

Mrs. Chako: "Fail. And don't park next to my van."

Scary thing is, if she fails, she's gonna keep practicing . . .

Now let me go make sure my liability insurance is updated.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife