Friday, March 26, 2010

Who Needs a Comedian - I Have Kids - Part I

When I came home from work today, my youngest son came running over with a book he'd brought home from the library. It was turned to the page about babies and their development. It depicted photos of a woman in various stages of pregnancy, her shirt continuing to stretch over her ever-enlarging belly, next to drawings of the fetus in utero.

"Look, look, Mom . . . when I was in your belly, I was growing like this! And your belly was all big like this!" We took the opportunity to look back at some pregnancy pictures and he marveled that he was "in my belly."

* * * * *

Later in the evening, as I stole a piece of his macaroni and cheese, I asked him if he wanted more.

"No, Mom, my belly is fully."

I lifted his shirt, his little 7-year old belly curving out like they do. He puffed it out a little harder, as if to emphasize his point. I laughed - "Do you have a baby in your tummy?" I asked.

"No!" he laughed, and reached over to rub my belly. "You don't have a baby in your tummy anymore."

I laughed and said "No, Mommy's belly is flat now."

There was a pause. "Well, not really," he said matter-of-factly.

I stopped, unsure of how to interpret that or what an appropriate response to a 7-year old might be, short of a slap upside the head.

Like men tend to like to do, he continued, trying to dig himself out of the hole. "I'm not saying you're fat, Mom. I'm just saying your tummy is kind of bumpy and stuff. Like mine." He patted his belly proudly, extending it as far as he could.

I stared him down. He looked up and gave me his cheesiest smile. I thought about reminding him I was wearing a belt with a heavy buckle.

As I contemplated an appropriate punishment, I realized the best punishment would be to let it rest. In a few years, he'll be able to learn the hard way.

The same way we taught the rest of you when you tripped over your own lack of social filters.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife


The Sister said...

Are you kidding me? The boy knows not what he says, obviously. You are practically anorexic, woman. The concept of "not flat" to a child is warped at best. I would pay HUGE to have a body like yours. I would probably resort to illegal activity to have a body like yours. I know very few people in this world who wouldn't to have a body like yours. I may even make you a stand in for me on my wedding day. We can superimpose your body with my fat-ass face on top in all the pictures.

SirFWALGMan said...

I must have missed the whole social filter lessons.