Things That Make You Go Hmmmm . . .

I want to be creative. I want to blog about life. But then the intertubes suck me in with something like this . . .


Awkward Family Pet Photos

WARNING: Do not view this link if you are easily sucked into the disbelief around humanity in general. It's not quite as absurdly and disturbingly captivating in that "5 car accident with potential decapitation" way, but it clearly rivals "People of Walmart".

Not like I don't have photos that I look at, 20 years later, and think "what was I thinking." And I even have one picture when I'd done my hair really wavy and I took at picture with my springer spaniel and we looked remarkably similar. However, I was 17, and it was a candid shot . . . these people actually took time to pose and paid a professional to photograph them and their pets.

For those of you who choose to review, here is my unfettered commentary:

• Photo 1 of 12 - This guy might be attractive. But I can't tell with that horrendous hair and the scary black cat. And who is he looking at? His mom/witch?
• Photo 2 of 12 - So many things individually wrong with this. A baby AND a monkey? The beret? The porn-stache? But together? This man has to be in a database somewhere . . .
• Photo 3 of 12 - Am I more nervous about how excited this guy looks? Or how excited his dogs look to be in the picture with him?
• Photo 4 of 12 - Our love is only complete with Mr. Pig. In his favorite yellow t-shirt.
• Photo 5 of 12 - "No Mom, I don't want one of those stupid senior pictures with a guitar, or standing by the fence - those look so posed. I want something more natural - just me and Mr. Feathers. Oh, and can I borrow your lip tint? I don't want to look washed out."
• Photo 6 of 12 - "We're so lucky to have this last picture - right before Mr. Slithers had a seizure and constricted little Johnny by accident."
• Photo 7 of 12 - "Great idea, Mom - I think this is gonna look great on Match.com. I especially like the contrast with the suit and the nature background. And the background trees really bring out the yellow in Patches feathers."
• Photo 8 of 12 - "Rub him under his chin, kids - kitties love when you rub under their chins. Just stay away from the teeth."
• Photo 9 of 12 - As if a "pocket kitty" is just slightly more cool than a pocket protector.
• Photo 10 of 12 - Missy swore one day when she moved away from home, she'd have all her professional photos done with a black pit bull.
• Photo 11 of 12 - And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And he will be called Fido, the son of God. I mean, Dog.
• Photo 12 of 12 - Not sure if its scarier that she dyed her poodle blue, or the tips of her own hair black. Or consciously chose the background color.

Hah! Made you look.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

PS After writing my own commentary, I noted the pictures had captions. I'm publishing anyway.