Poker Conversations

So I’m playing online poker the other night to rid my brain of the day’s minutiae. I sit down in a SNG and in the chat box, one of the players has typed “Blow me.”

For some reason, I just couldn’t resist commenting. “Wow – did I just walk into the wrong room?”

The offending guy, who’s screen name was Eduardo or something equally of the macho, Rico Suave genre, types in “Do you give head?” I think I heard his pinky rink clink.

I still couldn’t resist. “Do you?”

There was a pause. I could almost hear him try to adjust his strategy.

“I got head from a hot blonde last night.”

It was like he was setting me up with softballs. No, maybe t-balls. I swung.

“Your dog doesn’t count.”

There was a prolonged pause. I thought maybe I’d silenced him. One of the other players commented. “I think you scared him.”

He wasn’t completely undeterred. “You have big tits?”

Neither was I. “Big enough.”

I managed to get a “lol” from the room.

He made his next move. “I bet you’d be fun to have sex with.”

Little does he know. “You’re probably right, E. But unfortunately, I took a vow of chastity with respect to men who felt compelled to ask me how big my tits were.”

This time the silence was more prolonged. No one else chatted. I could hear crickets chirping. Then he went on auto fold. Then he was gone altogether. Someone in the room expressed their appreciation.

I apologized for the dog comment. It was a little over the top.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

PS – I won.