Sunday, June 28, 2009

The (Wo)man in the Mirror

There are many days I don't like what I see in the mirror. For various reasons. Sometimes, it's something as simple and as shallow as not liking the extra crease at the corner of my eyes. Sometimes it's not liking to see the harsh set of my mouth after I've just chewed out one of the boys. Sometimes it was the mental exhaustion evident on my face after another long day in my hamster wheel, when I had a difficult time measuring progress toward the next rung on the ladder.

Then someone turns on the lights and holds up the big mirror. Films it in HD, where you can see every bump, every blemish, every defect. Broadcasts on prime time. Fortunately, that someone also loves you enough to drop the curtain quickly, before everyone else sees all the details. Was kind enough to keep the curtains closed while it was at its ugliest.

He's given you a laundry list of things that test a relationship. Have tested our relationship. Part of me is embarrassed. You all weren't supposed to know. That we have flaws. That I have flaws.

Whether through luck, or stupidity, or through the natural iterations of a relationship that had its roots in something good, we're back on a path toward closing the gaps. Starting with small things, like remembering to say "I love you", rather than assuming they know. Or appreciating the fact that your husband hasn't asked for a Ferrari in 3 months. Or feeling special because after getting yourself all prettied up for a black tie affair, your honey refers to you as "F---ing Hawt!" at least eight times before the night is over.

Maybe marriage is like a well-built house. The earth shifts, and the foundation cracks, because it was made by humans. It is naturally imperfect. But when it finally settles, even though the cracks don't go away, the house still stands.

Not that I've fooled myself into thinking the earth can't or won't shift again. Hell, I'm moving us directly over a fault line. But at least tonight I feel like even thought we're 800+ miles apart, we've settled, again.

Thank you, my friends, who have believed in us all the time.

Thank you, my husband, for fixing what you could, and for having patience with me while I figured, am figuring, or have yet to figure out what I need to fix.

Or maybe it just comes down to the fact that after 14 years of marriage, and over 17 years together, no one else could tolerate either of our quirks.

Curtain closed. Nothing more to see here.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife


KenP said...

You've both found a new perspective that will work is my guess.

And, you've done it on your own without some self-help guru, Doctor Phil, or Oprah.

Tip o' the hat!

For the rest of us, time to move on here; nothing to see. No ambulances or red lights flashing on the Interstate or Internet.

P.S. Will you please quit this voyeur's delight and let those of us with clay feet avoid hating you two. :)

DrChako said...

For KenP - yeah, I think we're done with this chapter of blogger-voyeurism.

For my (F-in' HAWT) wife, I love you.

I was a little worried about posting something that personal, but the reason I started my blog was to get stuff out of my head and into a form where I could step back and process the information. Certainly there were a few moments where I thought, "Do I really want to publish this?" You'll remember that I walked away from the monitor a few times before I did.

Your post tells me I got it right.

I love you.

-The Husband

Falstaff said...

Like I mentioned over on Doc's post - marriage is hard. And I'm glad you're working it out. I love you both.


BamBam said...

"Made for each other" is easy to recognize, satisfying to live and always a pleasure see in another couple you know. But as we all know, even the round peg and square hole were "made for each other."

Getting the right pieces in the correct spots, can certainly take a little doing. Sounds to me like your BOTH doing a great job of it though.

ALWAYS lots 'O' love to you both, coming from the two of us way out here.