Lessons in Grief

A week has passed since we learned the news of the passing of my father-in-law. We have been a family relatively unscathed by death in the sixteen years we have been a couple. My mother-in-law passed away ten years ago; we lost my husband's uncle just a few months ago. This death hit us the hardest of all.


What did I learn, in this time of grief?

1. The pain of hearing the news yourself is exceeded only by the pain of having to deliver the message to his only son, with an ocean between you and a hug.


2. I suck at delivering bad messages. Unless you like your bad news completely stripped of all sugar coating, and with no real lead-in.


3. That children are sometimes better at hearing, grieving, and then moving on. Our littlest guy doesn't completely understand, but our oldest one does. He had an appropriate amount of tears, then an appropriate amount of fond memories, and then got on with the business of life. I wish I could have grieved as succinctly as he has done.
   
4. That good friends are the ones who aren't afraid to talk to you when you're sobbing uncontrollably and think to check in with you later, whether with an e-mail, text, or a call. You know who you are.


5. That a life well-lived is a life well-remembered at death. My father-in-law touched many; his memorial service was FILLED with friends and family.


6. That I work with awesome people. Who sent me cards and flowers and redistributed my work load so that I didn't have to worry about anything.
   
7. That I married into a good family, who loves me like their own and supports each other through good and bad.


8. That Jews think too much food is the answer to ANYTHING.


9. That after all the tears are done, its time to gather your friends and family, and raise your glasses in honor of the memories.

So here is how we do it . . .

Gather a few of your favorite relatives who also make good friends . . .

Make sure you bring your favorite honey . . .

Add in a cute and pleasant waitress that lets MrsChako show off her order-taking skills . . .

Make sure MrsChako has a few drinks so that she's willing to show off the new navel-piercing to the group . . .

And don't forget to bounce the Sister's rental car a few times . . . great way to wrap up an evening.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Keep Your Family Close

A couple more days, and he is home for good. Today, he is at Ft. Benning, Georgia, and tomorrow will turn in his combat gear for good. In 2 1/2 months, he will leave the rank of Lt. Colonel behind and just become Dr.

Although we could have hoped for better circumstances for a reunion, at least these pictures look more right than the last seven months.

Welcome (almost) home, honey.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Careful What You Ask For . . .

Next time you slur impatiently at the barkeep . . . "Give me an effen vodka . . . "




You might actually get it.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Almost

I'm less than six hours from seeing my husband. It should have been a welcome home in the SeaTac airport, followed by a drive to the house, a wrestle with the two dogs, and dinner as a family.

Instead, the two boys and I are holed up in the Houston airport on a 3+ hour layover between Seattle and Florida, where we will join up with other grieving family members, including my dear DrChako, who got to come home "early" (3 day) for bereavement leave.

It's not the homecoming he deserves, but in a few hours, he'll be on US soil for good, with nary a scratch. And we'll be with him. I haven't spoken to him for a bit, but I know he's en route.

Sometime later next week, we'll actually be home as a family in our house.

Thank heaven for the USO - we're settled in for these long few hours with all the free snacks, drinks, kids videos, free internet, and other minor comforts we can handle.

Keep DrChako in your thoughts.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

A Pretty Box . . .

I found one, Betty.





I just have to put it to good use. Someday. I promise.

Unexpected Homecoming

For my interested readers, I will likely be with the good doctor in the next 48-60 hours. Unfortunately, the events which have accelerated his return, slightly, are not how I would have scripted this homecoming. And they will require a slight detour before we are all back safe and sound in our Seattle-area home.

If ever there were a time where your thoughts, prayers, and good wishes might be worthwhile, this would be that time. Let your thoughts be with those military pilots that bring my precious cargo stateside; let your thoughts be with our commercial pilots that will take me and my two precious cargoes to reunite with their daddy; and let your thoughts be with DrChako's family - they need them most.

More later . . . the Chako family may be dark for awhile.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife

Wives You Should Avoid Today, Part II

Editor's note: I started this post at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, March 11, 2008. In the interest of full disclosure, this is how I was feeling at that time. For some reason, I felt it important to finalize this, before moving on to the next chapter.

I find it interesting that really only my husband was scared of yesterday's me.


Drizz just suggested a footrub and alcohol. Not sure if he was offering, or just saying . . .


My sister in law used it as a reason to justify her ass-kicking mood.

And Bam-Bam, the eternal optimist, somehow figured he's actually get a better hug out of me this way. Go figure.

I'm not so nasty today. Red heels have been replaced by perfectly demure brown sling back peep toes. I'm drained from yesterday's rant . . . but thanks for your thoughts.

Respectfully submitted,

The Wife